Spotlight On Dads - Tony Chen

Spotlight on Dads is a weekly series from Discovering Dad that features involved fathers from around the world. The objective of the series is to inspire fathers to connect and learn from one another, while also deconstructing the stereotype of fathers as 'second' parents.

This week's spotlight shines on Tony Chen from Savvy Daddy. Tony is an idea man - he loves to come up with new ways to make all aspects of his life and those around him better. He's also a huge Boston Red Sox fan, but I'll try not to hold that against him.

Tell a little about yourself. Hey ya'll, my name is Tony Chen. I'm married to my awesome wife Catherine. We have a 2-year-old son that we've nicknamed Meme (that's what he calls himself). We live in the northwest suburbs of Chicago, where we have cousins, aunts, uncles, and in-laws to play with.

Professionally, I'm a new business development director at a local hospital system. I'm basically the "new idea guy" - always looking for new partnerships, acquisitions, and building new programs from scratch to serve our patients better. I really enjoy interacting with others around healthcare and innovation, so I started a healthcare blog (hospitalimpact.org) 3+ years ago.

Other random stuff about me: I'm a lifelong Red Sox fan; I used to be known as the wedding singer; I play klezmer music on my accordion; I grew up in Blacksburg, Virginia; my favorite book is the Book of Psalms; I've got a little sister who is a professional toy pianist; I have an inherent weakness for peppermint patties, medium-rare steaks, and key lime pie; I'm an INFJ; and my hidden talent is one break-dancing move that I really need to retire.

What about your family background? My wife and I met on a set-up blind-date (thanks Wayne and Emily!). We met in February 2002 and tied the knot that November. I have to say that I'm both proud and embarrassed at our engagement story, which you can read on my hospital blog here. Sufficed to say, I don't look so hot as a woman, which is probably a good thing.

Both my wife and I are Chinese-American - we both were born in the states, but our parents are from Asia. It was really surreal to find out that our moms went to the same high school and college (in the same year!) in Taiwan, but didn't know each other until us. Small world. Shoot, who knows, maybe I'm BusyDad's 4th cousin or something?

What do you like most about being a dad? Oh man, how do I put this one into words!?! Being a kid again. Having a good excuse for smudges & stains on my clothes. Seeing the world through my son's eyes. I think the best things in life require us to say "no" to a lot of good things. So, as much as this sounds weird, I felt like a part of me died when I became a dad. I had to give up some freedom, independence, spare time, and sleep, but what I received in return was a zillion times better - "Yay! ba ba home!!!!"

What do you find most challenging about being a dad? For me, it's simply been the physical exhaustion which leads to guilt, poor judgment, and other fun stuff. Maybe the tiredness is more the cumulative effect of being a dad on top of all the other responsibilities. Or maybe it's that I just haven't said "no" (see previous answer) to enough good things that need to take a back seat for now. There are some days when I'm literally laying on the ground with Meme trying to pull me up to play with him. I don't like how that feels, but that's reality.

What's your most memorable experience(s) so far as a dad? Man, there have been so many. One that will be permanently implanted in me is the day that Meme started walking on his own. My wife called me while I was still at work, "You've got to come home to see this..." It was only 3PM, but I drove home to see my 13-month-old walk all over the place, arms flailing with the biggest smile on his face I've ever seen. It's just like the light just went on, and he decided he could do it, and then he did.

In general, how do you think dads are perceived? Why? In general, it seems to me that dads aren't perceived at all. It's like we're "silent partners" in this parenting thing. When we are perceived, the words that seem to show up are alimony, child support, ogre, abuse, and "aren't getting it done." I think perceptions are just a matter of numbers/probability. Most "stereotypes" actually hold true for a large portion of that population, right? We just don't like it when that stereotype doesn't represent us, or worse yet, is the opposite of us.

"Being a dad has changed everything in my life."

Anyway, this really doesn't impact my every day life, except that maybe with a better "stereotype," we could collectively convince employers to give real paternity leave and make work more father-friendly.

How has the experience as dad helped you discover something new about yourself? I've come to realize that being a dad has so much more to do with the hours I spend with my family. Being a dad has changed everything in my life. It brings up the questions of my life purpose, my legacy, my leadership, my character. Fatherhood is a full-time job - everything that's shaping my character and my life every day is also eventually shaping the character and life of my son. So, while I'm helping my son discover new things everyday, being his dad has been a daily journey of self-discovery for me, too.

Who do you go to for advice about fatherhood? I occasionally meet up with a few older guys who've been there done that. Man, invaluable to have that perspective - they can answer my long-winded, complicated questions with just a few words of wisdom, and BOOM, I can see through the fog of my own near-sightedness. One time, I was going on and on about how Meme needs us to sleep with him to fall asleep. One dad simply said, "you mean, YOU need to sleep with HIM." Yup, right on the mark.

Do you hang out with many other dads? If not, why? If so, what do you do together? I do have a few friends at church who have young'ens like Meme. Sometimes we'll all get together when our wives are working or having girl time. We'll go to the museum, the mall, or just hang out inside. I'm definitely looking forward to this summer - it'll be the first summer Meme can really experience the great outdoors.

Tell a little about your website. Having Meme enter into our lives was such an inspiration to me that I started a web magazine & online community for dads at www.savvydaddy.com. The site has been up for about 2 months and we're having a ton of fun - I've met so many great dads all across the country going through the same things and offering great perspectives. It's been great to find so many dads out there who care, including the many dad bloggers!


Next week's Spotlight on Dads will teach us a Thing or two about Dads! Come back and see next Saturday.

Spotlight on Dads is a weekly series published every Saturday on Discovering Dad. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section. Your feedback and recommendations will help to shape this series. Thanks!

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