Spotlight On Dads - Geoff 'NukeDad'

Spotlight on Dads is a weekly series from Discovering Dad that features involved fathers from around the world. The objective of the series is to inspire fathers to connect and learn from one another, while also deconstructing the stereotype of fathers as 'second' parents.

This week's spotlight shines on Geoff from Nuclear Family Warhead. Geoff is a stay-at-home dad, who is a master at grooming beagles and teaching his kids the value of mindless trivia (including a plethora of '80s One Hit Wonders). His blog has a great sense of humor to it, which seems to reflect his unique outlook on life.

Tell a little about yourself. My name is Geoff; I’ve been married to my wife Elizabeth for 13 years next month. I am Dad to two boys (11 and 8) and a girl (4). I am also master and supreme overlord to Phoebe (black lab) and Penny & Buddy (brother and sister beagles). They know who holds the key to the Alpo castle! I love reading, movies and playing golf. The only one I’ve been able to do with any regularity since having kids is read. I like to cook a little, even though it used to be my career. I tolerate laundry, and I loathe cleaning.

Oh, I’m kind of an Internet addict as well. I’m an information junkie who would research the banana slug for 4 hours, if I thought I had a good enough reason. My wife says that my middle name should be “Information Overload.” It all comes from growing up in a house where Trivial Pursuit and other games were played often. I also had the luxury of having a Mom and Dad who were voracious readers. Mom read fiction and Dad read non-fiction, so we had the best of both worlds. We had a bigger selection of books than some school libraries growing up. I’m a former Restaurant General Manager, but I have been a Stay at Home Dad for the last 3 ½ years.

What about your family background? I grew up in El Paso, Texas, the middle child of 5. I have an older sister and brother, and 2 younger sisters. My parents were both from Baltimore, Maryland. My wife is originally from New Jersey, but I don’t hold that against her anymore. We met in El Paso in 1992, almost 25 years exactly from when her Mom and Dad met in El Paso also. Small world? Not really, just a really big Military base.

My father-in-law was based there, and so was my mother-in-laws’ father. We lived in El Paso until 2001, when we relocated to North Carolina. In our extended family, we have a PGA Tour Golf professional, a soon to be General working in the Pentagon, and somewhere back along the lines we are related to John Riggins of the NFL Washington Redskins and Johann Sebastian Bach. If we were to have another child, then I’m sure they would be a 300-yard-drive-hitting, camouflage-wearing, fullback composer.

What do you like most about being a dad? The sense of humility in knowing that you are charged with taking care of these young, eager people. Knowing that leading by example is no longer a cool catch phrase, but a mandate that you must deliver on. Watching them learn and experience new things, seeing the look in their eyes when the light bulb goes off. Watching my oldest son score his first touchdown; reading the fully illustrated stories that my second son writes; and, hearing my daughter say “I’m serious!” in her best Mommy tone. The whole experience is fantastic. I kick myself during those times when I’m feeling a little worn out and think, "Quit your bitchin’, you could be out working 80 hour weeks again." That gets me in line pretty quick.

"Leading by example is no longer a cool catch phrase, but a mandate that you must deliver on"

What do you find most challenging about being a dad? Falling into the “Do as I say” mentality. I do it a little too often. I swore I would never be the Dad that says: “Because I said so!”, but it happens. Finding time for just Elizabeth and I is a challenge. We do almost everything as a family, and I LOVE that, but every once in a while being able to just spend time with her would be awesome. We’ve been working on it, and as the kids get older, it will become easier. I also find it a challenge, at times, to be willing to let them make their own mistakes. The best lessons in life are learned on your own, and sometimes I don’t know when to butt out and mind my own business. As they get older, I’m sure they’ll let me know when to back off, but for now, I have to learn not to run in and “rescue” them all the time.

What's your most memorable experience(s) so far as a dad? The births of each of my children are obviously the top 3. Holding each of them for the first time is just indescribable, to this day! I had a lot of parents tell me how magical that moment would be, and I thought I was prepared, but when the nurse put them in my arms, I realized that no words from anybody could properly convey my feelings. I’m sure every parent reading this knows exactly what I’m talking about. I never thought I was capable of that level of love for someone else. Hell, until that moment, I didn’t even know that level existed! Bringing a child into this world is the single most important and frightening thing I have ever done, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

In general, how do you think dads are perceived? Why? I don’t know that anybody gets a fair shake anymore, really. Mom is supposed to be June Cleaver and Dad is supposed to be in the Lazy Boy smoking a pipe, reading the paper just waiting for the kids to come and ask him questions. There are plenty of stereotypes out there, and they’re almost all wrong. Most Dads are portrayed as meek underachievers or slimy, cheating, self-centered scumbags. It’s like no one wants to believe that there are actually normal Dads out in the world. When you read or see a story on Fatherhood today, the perception of most Dads is usually formulated by the person writing the story or filming the interview. They have their agenda and know what they want to say before they ask a single question. They have this idea that even though they may live in a good environment with their Dad/Husband, that surely their experience is the exception rather than the rule. I think the rule is that most Dads strive to be a good parent; they just don’t always accomplish it. After all, they are only human. The exception is the dead beat Dad who gets most of the press.

"There are plenty of stereotypes out there, and they’re almost all wrong"

How has the experience as dad helped you discover something new about yourself? I’ve learned that I’m not as patient as I’d like to be, but I am doing much better in that department. I’ve learned that I’m probably a little too overprotective as well, but I’ve definitely been doing a better job on that lately. Cuts and scrapes are up 20% over last year! I’ve learned that I am woefully out of shape when trying to keep up with all 3 of them; but I’ll have that licked pretty soon. I’ve learned that just being there is so important. I have lunch at school every week with the boys, and next year, we’ll add our little girl into the mix. Being involved in what your kids are doing and who they’re doing it with goes a long way. I must have 20 kids wave to me and say Hi when I go see the boys at school. It’s a great feeling, knowing that my kids understand that their Dad will always be there for them, and it bothers me to no end that some of those kids that eat lunch with us will never have that opportunity.

Who do you go to for advice about fatherhood? First and foremost is my wife; Elizabeth. We talked a lot before we had kids and agreed that being a team was essential. You can only “good cop/bad cop” for so long. Let’s face it, we were all kids once, we know the tricks parents and kids can play. One parent always being the disciplinarian isn’t fair to the kids, or the parents. We even it out pretty well. I’ve also been lucky enough to have a good group of Dads in my neighborhood that I actually talk to. It’s not just waves as you’re driving by. Dr. Isaid No (a frequenter of Nuclear Family Warhead) is one, and I have an Assistant Principal living next door. My Father, of course, when he was still alive, was there to answer questions. Lastly, I’d say my own memory of the life I lived growing up. Knowing what actions my Dad and my friends Dad’s took in certain situations have helped me a lot. They weren’t always the right actions, but they give me a good template to work with.

Do you hang out with many other dads? If not, why? If so, what do you do together? I do, actually. The aforementioned Dr. Isaid No, The Assistant Principal and we have 2 other families on our street that all mingle together. We have 5 families and 14 kids within 7 houses of each other on my street that all interact daily. It’s great. We almost all belong to the local swimming pool and spend all summer there together; we alternate who hosts the New Year’s Eve party every year; do the Christmas gift exchange for the kids; and, do cookouts most every holiday. We’ve never lived in a neighborhood this tight knit. There is always someone to talk to, and the kids are all pretty well matched up age-wise. I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. THEY might want me to live somewhere else though!

Tell a little about your blog. My blog is Nuclear Family Warhead. It came from an email exchange that Dr. Isaid No (site co-author) and I had a few months ago. Most of our email exchanges ended up on a tangent that was far from the original message, and were hilarious (in our humble opinions). After a few of those I said, “Let’s start a blog for Stay at Home Dads! I bet no one has thought of that!” Yeah, right. Look for my latest invention: The Wheel - coming soon to a store near you!

The name came from one of those cheesy films you used to have to watch in 6th or 7th grade science class. The ones where the projector would always eat the film and the voice track would always have pops and clicks. One day the film was on families from around the world, and they kept saying “The Nuclear Family,” and for whatever reason, I thought it sounded funny. The Warhead part came from a nuclear missile, and we just merged the two.

It’s meant to be a metaphor for the similarities between the everyday struggles of family life and war; however, it is in no way a glorification of war. My very first post talked about “The Juice Box Curtain” and “The Secretary of Allowance” and tried to play up the fact that we were having fun with it, not trying to make a political statement. I try and keep it light and tongue in cheek; a place to come and get a laugh when the stress of parenthood gets to be too much.

Anything else you'd like to share? I grew up when there were still only 3 channels to choose from on TV, so family interaction was the norm. Now you have a 24-hour news cycle with everyone trying to tell you WHAT to think, rather than showing you HOW to think. My Dad used to always say, “Believe nothing that you hear, and half of what you see.” I think that’s good advice. People aren’t as curious anymore; nobody wants to look for the answer themselves when they can see something on TV or on the Internet and say: “Well, that kind of makes sense, that’s what I’ll believe now.”

I’m trying to teach my kids that it is still possible to blaze your own trail; you just have to be willing to do the hardest work yourself. Ask questions, be curious, investigate, experiment, never stop wondering. Dads (and Moms) can be instrumental in forming those habits in their kids.

Lastly, thank you, Jeremy for giving us Dads this forum to teach each other, and learn from each other!

Next week's Spotlight on Dads gets a little Quirkee! I hope you will join me on this adventure!

Spotlight on Dads is a weekly series published every Saturday on Discovering Dad. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section. Your feedback and recommendations will help to shape this series. Thanks!

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