Spotlight On Dads - Ed "Zoë's Dad" Lamaze

Spotlight on Dads is a weekly series from Discovering Dad that features involved fathers from around the world. The objective of the series is to inspire fathers to connect and learn from one another, while also deconstructing the stereotype of fathers as 'second' parents.

This week's spotlight shines on Ed Lamaze who shares his experiences at Zoë's Dad. Ed should have been a wealthy oil tycoon, but his great granddad sold the family farm in Texas to the Beverly Hillbillies, who were the ones to actually strike it rich by tapping into the black gold on the property. Sure would have been helpful for his family and 5 kids to be rollin' in the dough - he's not bitter though.

Tell a little about yourself. My name is Ed. Pretty run of the mill name for a guy with five kids, all of whom have names starting with the letter Z. Zoë is 7, Zane 5 (and ¾), Zia 4 and the twins Zella and Zander are 2. I’ve been married to my best friend for eight years - that’s bronze on the gift scale for those of you keeping score at home. I use the traditional gift chart as opposed to the modern. I mean geez—on the modern gift chart year seven is desk sets. Who gives a desk set as an anniversary gift? But I digress. I’m not so good when it comes to talking about me. So I guess I’ll use my wife’s words. I’m a Good Ole Boy Southern Gentleman Hippie type. But I think I'm just a regular dude.

What about your family background? I grew up in "Lousy-Anna." Used to tell everyone it’s a great place to be from. Funny, it’s like all you can think about when you’re there is how to get out, and once you’re gone, all you can think about is how to get back. Louisiana is the greatest place in the world and will always be home for me. I’m number two of three boys. I thought our family was pretty big, until I met my wife. She’s a second child also, number two of ten. I’m still trying to remember all of their names.

"My wife says I’m a Good Ole Boy Southern Gentleman Hippie type. But I think I'm just a regular dude."

My name is pronounced Lamāze—long A. No relation to the famous Frenchie that made a fortune teaching pregnant women how to breathe. My family actually hails from a long line of almost and nearly famous. My great grandfather had a farm in West Texas. Couldn’t grow a thing and cursed the ground for years, before finally giving up and selling. The buyer (referred to as sucker by my great grandfather) promptly took possession of the land and struck oil—instantly becoming a millionaire and setting up his entire family for generations ad infinitum.

What do you like most about being a dad? I may be generalizing a bit when I say this, but the thing I like most about being a dad is the simple fact that I get to be one. I have no recollection of my father save for a painting of him in is Naval Officer’s Uniform that hung on the wall in our family room for all of the years I was growing up, and a small 5x7 I keep on the shelf by my computer. A few stories from my mom, but not many. You see, my father died when I was just two years old. My image of what a dad is supposed to be is an amalgamation of all of my friends’ dads, what I observed growing up around them. I have spent my entire life wanting only to have a father—something I never had. Now, I get to be one. That’s cool as shit! The fact that I get to be a stay at home dad is just lagniappe (Creole for "something extra").

What do you find most challenging about being a dad? Again, maybe a generalization here, but the most challenging thing about being a dad is that I have to be one. The difference is responsibility. It was really easy to be carefree, wild and crazy, when it was just me. But for some reason I have been entrusted with the lives of five wonderful and innocent children. It's hard because there’s no handbook on how to be a great day, and like I said, I didn’t have an example. This whole thing has been trial and error for me. Heavy emphasis on the error. I suppose I’m learning not to be so afraid of the trial part, but the simple truth is I am responsible for how my children will grow, mature and develop. I pray every day that I can just keep them off the couch.

What's your most memorable experience(s) so far as a dad? With five kids, I am barraged with funny and memorable experiences. Funny happens all the time, it’s hard to pinpoint. I try to chronicle what I can on the blog. Memorable? That’s a bit different. I suppose the pat answer would be first steps, first words, first poops, first anythings. But when I think about it, watching my son, Zane, read on his own for the very first time was incredible. It was unexpected, and I wasn’t prepared. Watching that little 4-year-old boy sit down with a book and sound out every consonant and vowel, mmmmm …aaaa…tt. And then put it all together… MAT. He was determined, focused and so pure at that very moment. I honestly got choked up. I’ll never forget that.

In general, how do you think dads are perceived? Why? Inept. Bungling. Incompetent. A fill in for mommy’s day off. Chaps my ass every time someone assumes that when I am taking the kids to the playground, or out to dinner, or to the grocery store that I am giving mommy a break. Give me a break, would you? This is what I do, and I do it damn well! Take your preconceived stereotypical notions about gender roles and everything that’s supposed to be perfect and ordered in your narrow minded little world and shove them right up your ass. And while you’re at it, open the door for me! Yes, my hands are full! (Sorry, was that rant out loud? You hit a nerve on that one - sorry!)

How has the experience as dad helped you discover something new about yourself? I’ve never been afraid to try something new. Doesn’t matter that I have no idea what I’m doing, I figure I’ll learn as we go. I wish I had paid more attention to my mother and grandmother when I was a kid though. Those life lessons would have come in real handy when it came to braids and ballet buns, ironing, preparing meals, housecleaning and even sewing. I think I can honestly say that I’m getting pretty confident in all of these areas and more now.

Who do you go to for advice about fatherhood? I’m totally flying by the seat of my pants here. Oh, I’ve got friends with kids and I guess I could ask them, but I figure they’ve got problems of their own. The last thing they need is to add my craziness to their list. I suppose it would have been cool to sit down with my dad and over a beer pick his brain, but that just isn’t my reality. It’s all good though - now, when I totally screw up my kids’ lives, I’ve got no one to blame but me.

Do you hang out with many other dads? If not, why? If so, what do you do together? Sadly, no. I hang out with my kids. I live vicariously through them. I read a blurb from a book review the other day that was essentially encouraging parents to seek the balance between self identity and the identity that goes with kids. It said leaning too far in either direction is detrimental to both parent and child. I fear I have lost some of that balance. Now I’m bummed! And I said I wasn’t going to cry during this interview. Can you please just give me a moment? (I definitely need to get out more.)

Tell a little about your blog. Ah, yes. The blog. Zoesdad.com. I started it about a year ago with no clear-cut goal or focus other than to chronicle some of the stuff that happens in the lives of my kids. Anyone that has ever read my blog (thanks to both of you - Jeremy and that other guy) will surely be able to see that I’ve yet to find that goal or focus. I’ve never been much of a reader, and I'm certainly not a writer. I’m from Louisiana for Christ’s sake, that in and of itself renders me basically illiterate. I generally tell stories about my kids and things that happen in our lives and try to keep things light-hearted. I appreciate the cathartic release of emptying my brain. It’s also made me a better steward of keeping a record of my children and what goes on in their lives. I pray that my kids will be able to look back on my blog and realize just how special they are to me and how much I love them.

Anything else you'd like to share? I just want you to know how honored I am to participate in the Spotlight on Dads series. For a guy that grew up wanting nothing more than a dad, then getting to be a dad, and finally having someone interested enough to ask me to speak about being a dad…..that’s awesome!

Next week's Spotlight on Dads will take us to the land of perfect hair and twisted humor! I hope you will join me on this adventure!

Spotlight on Dads is a weekly series published every Saturday on Discovering Dad. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section. Your feedback and recommendations will help to shape this series. Thanks!

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