Spotlight on Dads - Derek Semmler

Spotlight on Dads is a weekly series from Discovering Dad that features involved fathers from around the world. The objective of the series is to inspire fathers to connect and learn from one another, while also deconstructing the stereotype of fathers as 'second' parents.

This week's spotlight shines on Derek Semmler from The Man Page on the Sparkplugging blog network. He writes informative articles about work, parenting and other fun stuff that strikes his fancy, and as far as I know, he is the first dad in the spotlight with a Harley.

Tell a little about yourself. My name is Derek Semmler and I am married to a beautiful – and very understanding – woman named Heather. We have two boys, ages 9 and 6, that keep us pretty busy on the home front.

On the professional front, I graduated from Illinois Wesleyan University with a B.S. in Computer Science and am now working as a Senior Software Engineer for a pharmaceutical company. In August of 2006, I started my first blog – now there are three – and do my best to keep all of that going while still making time for my family.

Outside of spending time with my wife and kids or working on my blogs, you will most likely find me firing up the Harley and heading out for a relaxing ride.

What about your family background? My wife and I were high school sweethearts – she worked with a friend of mine in a nearby town, and we met one night when I was waiting for my friend to get off work. We dated our senior year of high school, and then I left for college. After a year and a half at school, she moved down to where I was in school and the rest is history.

Another interesting family note that shocks many people is that our oldest son was born before we were married. I'll never forget telling my parents and now father-in-law that we were having a baby. They were all expecting an announcement about an engagement, but instead they received the news that we were having a baby. Our philosophy was that we didn't want to get married just because we were having a child – we felt that if it was the right thing for us to do that we would eventually be married. It has been just shy of 9 years now and I think things have worked out pretty well.

"Our philosophy was that we didn't want to get married just because we were having a child."

Both my wife and I have been born and raised in the same area, we actually lived in the same apartment complex as infants - I kid you not! Most of our families are in the area as well, which can be good and bad. We have contemplated moving to a new part of the country to expose our children to new things, but right now it looks like we have really found a home and are planning to stay.

What do you like most about being a dad? Wow, there are really so many things that I could list here, but I think the thing that I like the most are just the simple, everyday experiences. Things like my special handshake with my youngest son or playing catch with my oldest son – we will be taking a break from this as he just broke his wrist – are very hard to beat.

If I had to select one thing though, I would say that reading bedtime stories to my kids is a highlight of my day. I love to read and both of my kids are beginning to have a passion for it as well, with my oldest preferring to read about American history and my youngest leaning more towards books about animals. Curling up with my kids and reading to them is something that I truly cherish.

What do you find most challenging about being a dad? In the years that I have been a dad, I have had numerous challenges. Early on I really struggled with the ability to put time with the family ahead of my own interests. You remember that Harley that I mentioned, well that is not very conducive to being a family man and I always wanted to be out riding.

Right now I would say that the most challenging thing for me is walking the line of being a friend to my boys and being their dad, i.e. putting on the hat of disciplinarian. Luckily they are both pretty good kids and I don't have to discipline them all too often.

What's your most memorable experience(s) so far as a dad? The obvious answer to the most memorable moment being a dad was the birth of each child. That is something that I will never forget.

With regard to my oldest son, there are two experiences that stick out in my memory. One was the first time he recorded an unassisted double play in a Little League game. The smile on his face when he caught that line drive and stepped on the base for the 2nd out really choked me up. The other experience, which we can laugh at now, was when we were in the Smoky Mountains. We were hiking alongside a river and having a good time skipping rocks and exploring. He attempted to jump out onto a rock, slipped and plunged into the icy water. Fortunately, my wife and I were right there and were able to snatch him up before anything happened.

My youngest son is a real performer, he has been taking guitar lessons and hip-hop dance lessons for about two years now. Last year he had his first dance recital and he jumped right out there on the stage in front of a few hundred people and did his thing. I was so proud of him as that was something I don't think I could do even if it didn't involve dancing. Another memorable experience was when he gathered everyone up at our annual 4th of July party so he could play the guitar and sing a song that he wrote for everyone. He never ceases to amaze me with his talent and lack of fear to be in front of people.

In general, how do you think dads are perceived? Why? That is a great question. Up until a few years ago, I probably would have said that dads were perceived in a rather negative light. It seemed like whenever you heard a news story about a dad it was because he was a dead beat or did something terrible.

"I do believe that all of the hard work that the dad bloggers are doing is playing a role in that change."

Over the last few years, I think that has started to change and I do believe that all of the hard work that the dad bloggers are doing is playing a role in that change. It is more common now to hear a story about a dad being a positive role model to his children or going out of his way for his family. In addition, there are more and more dads that are taking on the role of a SAHD and/or being very actively involved in the raising of their children.

How has the experience as dad helped you discover something new about yourself? Hmm, that is a tough question. I'd say one thing that I have discovered is how to prioritize what is really important in my life. Before having kids, I worked hard and played hard. Now I still work hard and play hard but the playing field has changed to one that involves my kids.

Who do you go to for advice about fatherhood? Nobody really. While I read other dad blogs, I cannot honestly say that I don't go there looking for advice about fatherhood. I'll chat with my dad about career advice, but I don't recall a time that I have ever asked him for advice about being a father.

I've got a close group of friends that I have known since I was in grade school and I was the first out of all of us to have kids. So while I've had some of them seek advice from me, I haven't really ever asked them about anything.

Maybe it is just me being stubborn about asking for help but I've always taken the approach that I can figure it out on my own (with the help of my wife).

Do you hang out with many other dads? If not, why? If so, what do you do together? Yeah. As I mentioned, I've got a very close group of friends that I have known almost my entire life and most of them now have kids as well. We get all of the families together a few times a year, for instance our upcoming 4th of July BBQ is one such occasion. In addition, just the guys get together every month or two for a poker night, dinner, or some other activity to just spend some time together.

"Love your family to the fullest and challenge yourself to give more of you to them."

We are also very fortunate in that our neighborhood is full of young families as well. We live on a street that has quite a few families and once the weather warms up the kids are usually out playing and the dads will all come together, have a beer or two, and play with the kids. Dodge ball anyone!

Tell a little about your blog. Yes, I have three blogs actually. The oldest of the bunch is a blog about personal finance called My New Choice. Personal finance is a passion of mine and I started this blog with the goal of sharing the things that I learned as I struggled to eliminate my consumer debt and find the path towards financial independence.

After starting the personal finance blog, I began to develop relationships with a core group of bloggers and found that the conversations were often deviating away from finances. That was when I decided to start Derek Semmler dot com and have used that blog to talk about more general life topics as well as my efforts to earn a living (or at least additional income) from my blogs.

Last but certainly not least is The Man Page, which was originally called Dad Balance before the eMoms At Home rebranding took place. Initially this blog was focused on discussing work life balance from a dad's perspective. However, with the rebranding and feedback that we received, The Man Page is now focused on being a more well-rounded resource for dads covering career advice, parenting tips, and as many laughs as possible.

Anything else you'd like to share? There really is no blueprint to being a successful dad. It requires you to adjust and learn new things, no two kids are alike and you will save yourself many trying situations by not attempting to compare your children to each other or other children. As I shared on my personal blog in a six word memoir, plan for tomorrow but live for today. Love your family to the fullest and challenge yourself to give more of you to them.

The last thing that I would like to share is a thank you to you for offering this Spotlight forum for me to share my thoughts, as well as all of the other dads that have been featured before me.

Next week's Spotlight on Dads features Michael's Dad! Who is Michael? Come back and see next Saturday.

Spotlight on Dads is a weekly series published every Saturday on Discovering Dad. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section. Your feedback and recommendations will help to shape this series. Thanks!

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