Spotlight on Dads - Chuck Houghton

Spotlight on Dads is a weekly series from Discovering Dad that features involved fathers from around the world. The objective of the series is to inspire fathers to connect and learn from one another, while also deconstructing the stereotype of fathers as 'second' parents.

This week's spotlight shines on Chuck Houghton from the collaborative blog called D is for Dad. He and two other dads (Mike and Scott) chronicle their experiences as dads, husbands and men in general.

Tell a little about yourself. The " who are you" question is always difficult to answer. I believe the core of who I am is wrapped up in being a husband of almost ten years, a father for seventeen years and a faithful employee for more than a decade. My day job is spent writing code and solving problems as a member of an IT department. I have four children. Two kids from my first marriage (a boy 17 and girl 13) and two kids from my current and last marriage (two girls 3 1/2 years and 21 months). I have a deep appreciation for most things written. This ranges from Technical manuals to poetry and everything in between. I have the same appreciation for movies and performance art, none of which I get to watch as often as I would like. I could watch The Godfather, Scarface and The Princess Bride over and over again.

What about your family background? There isn't much family history to speak of. My parents divorced when I was very young, and I never had a relationship with my father. I have five siblings. My family of yesteryear was never very close, although my mother did the best she could. It surprises me to this day each time I consider how highly I value my family in contrast to my early understanding of what "family" meant. I have never known an aunt, uncle, cousin or grandparent.

What do you like most about being a dad? Coming home to my kids. Just spending time with them. There is nothing like the unconditional love between a parent and child. This is especially true when they are young and can find no fault. I also love watching them succeed and learn; the spark that ignites when they get it. Another thing I like is being there to catch them when they fall. This is as true when I speak of my seventeen year old son as it is of my 21 month old daughter.

What do you find most challenging about being a dad? What I find most challenging are those times when you have to let them fall. When you know for certain what the right move is, and it dawns on you that you had to learn the hard way too. On the same vein, it is extremely difficult to discern when NOT to let them fall. There isn't always time to contemplate the best way to go. My parenting intuition is constantly being sharpened.

What's your most memorable experience(s) so far as a dad? First breath. First smile. First word. First step. First day in school. First time staying away from home. Anytime I hear the kids laugh out loud. The last time any of them said "I love you."

"I think fathers are perceived as the parent that tries rather than the parent that does."

In general, how do you think dads are perceived? Why? In general, I think fathers are perceived as the parent that tries rather than the parent that does. I hope that makes some sense. While we have made great strides at bending and breaking the stereotype of the detached, career-obsessed father, we still have a long way to go. Unfortunately, I think this is largely due to the fact that there are still too many fathers that are detached and career obsessed.

How has the experience as dad helped you discover something new about yourself? Being a dad has helped me discover everything new about myself. My drive to be a good husband, employee and person meets me at the door every day in the form of two beautiful little girls. Since becoming a father, words like sacrifice, courage, strength and impression all have new meanings.

Who do you go to for advice about fatherhood? There are a couple of people in the office that are excellent sounding boards. I also draw from my wife's relationship with her father quite a bit.

Do you hang out with many other dads? If not, why? If so, what do you do together? There is one other dad that I hang out with when the opportunity presents itself. We do things like go to baseball games or downtown music festivals. More often than not we have kids with us and can sometimes be found saying, "I bet mom wouldn't let 'em do that."

Tell a little about your blog. The site I contribute to is D is for Dad. I approached a couple of friends in 2007 about creating a site where we would share our experience and perspective on being dad. These guys, Mike and Scott, are both fathers I admire for the relationship they have with their children and spouse. We have managed to put together something a little different from many other dad blogs out there. Whether that difference translates into something good or bad is entirely up to the visitor. I believe what we write about covers the gamut from very light and humorous to very deep and thoughtful and most things in between. The response thus far has been more than we had anticipated, and we look forward to sharing more.

Anything else you'd like to share? I'd just like to say thank you for taking the time to put together the "Spotlight on Dads" series and giving me an opportunity to participate.

Next weeks Spotlight on Dads will take us to Vegas, Baby! I hope you will join me on this adventure!

Spotlight on Dads is a weekly series published every Saturday on Discovering Dad. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section. Your feedback and recommendations will help to shape this series. Thanks!

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