Thursday, April 24, 2008
Discovering Dad Diet - Ode to My Bubble Butt
A few weeks ago, I announced that I'd like to lose 20 pounds prior to this summer. I don't want to feel embarrassed to take my kids to the community pool. I had a hard time dealing with the spare tire and big booty last year, and the fact that I had to buy a XXL bathing suit really pisses me off.
The reason I had to get a bigger bathing suit is because I've managed to grow a massive bubble butt, to which I have decided to dedicate this poem:
Ode to My Bubble Butt
This is my bubble butt that I am trying to tone.
It's nice and round and full of foam.
It once was firm, tight and sexy,
but now, it's flabby, stout and sweaty.
This is my bubble butt that I am trying to lose.
I might load a cherry bomb (inside) and light the fuse.
I've cut back on calories and got rid of junk food,
which makes it unhappy, noisy, and rude.
This is my bubble butt that seems here to stay.
Like a free loading relative, it won't go away.
Your days are numbered - I've had it with you!
I'm kicking you out. We're done! I'm through!
This is my bubble butt, back shelf, and rear.
I've been trying to deflate it for more than a year.
Oh, flabby bubble butt, what else can I do?
I'm tired. I'm hungry. New diet - can't ...oooh!
It once was firm, tight and sexy,
but now, it's flabby, stout and sweaty.
This is my bubble butt that I am trying to lose.
I might load a cherry bomb (inside) and light the fuse.
I've cut back on calories and got rid of junk food,
which makes it unhappy, noisy, and rude.
This is my bubble butt that seems here to stay.
Like a free loading relative, it won't go away.
Your days are numbered - I've had it with you!
I'm kicking you out. We're done! I'm through!
This is my bubble butt, back shelf, and rear.
I've been trying to deflate it for more than a year.
Oh, flabby bubble butt, what else can I do?
I'm tired. I'm hungry. New diet - can't ...oooh!
-----------------
Last week, I said that I would monitor my diet and post what I had to eat as part of the Discovering Dad Diet Plan every Wednesday night too. Well, it's not very exciting, but here is what I had today:
Discovering Dad Diet Plan - Wednesday, April 23
Liquids
Coffee - 5 cups at 10 ounces each = 50 ounces
Diet Pepsi - 4 12 ounce cans = 48 ounces
Diet Coke Plus - 1 20 ounce bottle = 20 ounces
Solids
Breakfast - coffee
Lunch - Princess bowl filled with raw carrots (so sweet:))
Dinner - 2 small turkey sandwiches and half a serving of baked beans (just what I needed - NOT!)
Exercise
Ran down the street to pick up a trash can that the garbage idiots let roll away
Walked up the street to the community mailbox
Sleep Last Night
7 hours
One of the things that I did this past week is break myself completely of any type of junkfood addiction. I didn't eat any chips, candy or whatever at home (we did have a birthday party for my sister-in-law though, so I cheated there with dessert).
I also tried to start exercising more, but it's still not consistent. I incorporated toddler bench presses into my work-out plan, as my son Ty thinks it's fun for me to press him and count to 20. I'm not sure if that is really doing me any good.
Jim at BusyDad hit his goal of losing 6 pounds this past week, so congrats to him; and PG at Annoyingly Boring has been doing great too. Me and NukeDad still have a long ways to go in our quest for physical fitness and fewer body parts.
Sooooo....how did I do last week? Take a look:
<------This is my butt last week.
This is my butt this week------>
Notice a difference? Me Either!
I only lost 1 pound this week! This is whack! I'm about ready to kick my own ass right now!
Hopefully, I'll have some better news to report back to you next week. I may need to ask for volunteers to come over and kick me a few times, but hey, I'm determined to lose this booty!
Related Posts:
Discovering Dad Diet Plan - I Don't Recommend It
Going From Buff to Blah
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