Spotlight on Dads - Tyler Wainright

Spotlight on Dads is a weekly series from Discovering Dad that features involved fathers from around the world. The objective of the series is to inspire fathers to connect and learn from one another, while also deconstructing the stereotype of fathers as 'second' parents.

This week's spotlight shines on Tyler Wainright from Memphis, Tennessee, who writes about his experiences as a dad at Building Camelot.

Tell a little about yourself. My name is Tyler Wainright. I'm married to my beautiful wife Mandy, and we have one daughter who is 2 & 1/2. We are expecting another little girl at the end of July. Mandy and I are both native Memphians. We have been married for over 6 years.

What about your background? Mandy and I are high school sweethearts. We met early on in church and were very active in the youth group. We didn't date much through college, but got back together her senior year. She is an identical twin and most people can not tell her apart from her sister. I joke and tell people that I have two wives. If I do something stupid, then I get crap from two women. Both of our parents are divorced. Mine divorced when I was in middle school, and her's divorced when we were in high school. I have an older sister who lives in Dallas.

What do you like most about being a dad? Wow - there are so many things I love about being a father. One of the best things is how it makes me feel like a man. I finally feel like I have some purpose in life. I also love the responsibility I have for my daughter. Not only the day-to-day things, but also the things I'll be able to teach and pass on to her.

What do you find most challenging about being a dad? I'm finding that one of the most challenging aspects of fatherhood is letting go of my selfishness. I don't do a very good job with putting the needs of my wife and daughter before mine. I do miss the spontaneity my wife and I used to have. We never had much of a party/social life before Olivia, but we would go out more and treat ourselves to a night on the town more often.

What's your most memorable experience(s) so far as a dad? Another question I've never really thought about. My daughter keeps me laughing all the time. She's always learning and discovering new ways to communicate with Mandy and I. One thing that comes to mind is something she used to do when she was a year old. I remember one night I was rocking her to sleep and she was a little congested, so I took the pacifier out of her mouth. Keep in mind that she was 99.9% asleep, and I was about to put her down. All of a sudden she starts reaching for the pacifier. What's so funny is that she had no idea where I was holding the paci but she was bound and determined to find it. I guess you had to be there. I thought, "How in the world does she know that I'm holding paci right here?"

In general, how do you think dads are perceived? Why? Good dads definitely don't receive the credit they deserve. If a dad sits around and turns out to be a "dead beat" (for lack of a better word), then people say, "Well - that figures...that's what men do best." But if we are active, supportive and very loving to our children and wives, then people say "Well - that's what dads are SUPPOSED to do." Not that I want a big celebration, but I would like the media to portray men and dads in a more positive light.

How has the experience as dad helped you discover something new about yourself? Becoming a dad has put many things into perspective. It has helped me realize that I don't have to be great at golf, or rich, or whatever as long as I love my daughter with all my heart. Being a dad has also helped me trust my instincts more than I ever have. That has lead to greater confidence with the decisions I make.

Who do you go to for advice about fatherhood? No one. It's sad, but that's the truth. In Stu Weber's book, The 4 Pillars of a Man's Heart (the inspiration for Building Camelot) one of the pillars is Friendship. He emphasizes the importance of friendship among men. Unless you're lucky enough to have made and maintained life long friendships from college or high school, most men have a large void where great friends should be. Writing for Building Camelot and talking with other dad bloggers has been the best therapy.

Do you hang out with many other dads? If not, why? If so, what do you do together? The only other dad I really hang out with is my brother-in-law. Since my wife is an identical twin (and they live in Memphis too), we see them regularly. We'll grab a drink every now and then, after the kids have gone to sleep. Other than that there's not much. Sometimes I feel like writing my blog is a way to hang out with other dads. You know, maybe we ought to start a Daddy Bloggers Convention... (Jeremy thought - I agree!)

Tell a little about your blog. Building Camelot was inspired by Stu's book. As soon as I finished reading it, I began looking for other men/fathers who were trying to build their own little Camelot at home. I didn't find much, so I began blogging. I soon learned that I wasn't looking in the right places. I honestly felt a strong urge in my heart to begin my blog, and I feel like it is something I can do well and prove to be a valuable resource to men and fathers out there.

Anything else you'd like to share? Becoming a dad is easy. Becoming a great dad is hard, but it's not impossible. As long as your heart is invested into your family, there's not much that you can do wrong.

Next weeks Spotlight on Dads will talk about Evolution (of Dads) - stay tuned for more!

Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section. Your feedback and recommendations will help to shape this series. Thanks!

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