Thursday, March 6, 2008
Five Decisions Expectant Fathers Tend to Avoid
Expectant fathers have a lot of decisions to make when getting ready for the arrival of their first or new child. Many people create checklists to try and help them prepare, but it is impossible to make ready for every situation or need. There are many decisions during the pregnancy that dads really care about expressing an opinion but some are avoided at all costs.
Here are Five Decisions Expectant Fathers Tend to Avoid:
1. Choice of doctor or hospital - we're not the ones who need to feel comfortable being poked, probed and examined, so why should our opinion matter?
2. Room decor or bedding set - dads want kids to have cool rooms, but the only things we really care about when it comes to decor are how much it costs and the amount of work it will be for us to paint and set-up all of the furniture.
3. Formula or breastfed baby - as long as we can be involved in feeding the baby in some way, we don't really care where the milk comes from.
4. Natural or 'pain relieved' delivery - some dads may quietly think they have a strong position on this leading up to the big day; however, that quickly changes when they get in the delivery room with a screaming mom. In most cases, dads understand that they aren't the ones pushing the baby out, so they really don't have a say about epidurals or pain medications anyway.
5. Witnesses to the miracle of birth - in other words, who will be in the delivery room during labor. When it comes to giving birth, moms are the ones exposed in more ways than one. So if she wants help from her sister, or just the two of you in the room, it's her decision.
As expectant fathers, it's not that we don't care about these things, but prior to the pregnancy we have already learned the value of picking our battles. Some decisions we would rather leave up to mom, while others are genuinely important to us.
So, what decisions do dads care about leading up to the birth of a child?
1. Naming the baby - dads feel a sense of pride in giving their child a good, strong name.
2. Tests during pregnancy - we like information, so the more assurance that the child is healthy the better. Dads may not want every test available performed, but we want enough to eliminate the fear of something major being wrong.
3. Choice of car seats, baby gates and other safety equipment - dads want to protect their children from harm, so allowing us to choose all safety related devices would be a smart move for moms.
4. Money - dads may not care so much what every item costs, but we do care about the bottom line. Creating a budget and sticking to it is important to dad, so make sure you include enough cushion to avoid confrontation on this matter.
It's a lot of work getting ready for a new baby, and the amount of decisions to be made are daunting for both mom and dad. Expectant fathers normally don't care about having the final say on the majority of items, but the things they do prioritize tend to be firmly held.
Making decisions together is an important part of parenting, but not every decision needs to have unanimous consent. Moms are good at making certain decisions, and dads are good at others.
Pick your battles dads - you've got a long journey ahead of you!
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10 comments:
Spot on Jeremy! I was a bit more involved in all these decisions but your logic hits home.
James
Thanks James! I was more involved with my first child, then slightly less with the second. By this time around with the third, I was pretty well set on what decisions I cared about or not. So far, it's been pleasant, so I guess I'm doing something right...for now!
Great post--you are so right! My hubby is on the same wave length as you.
Thanks for the comment Multi-tasking Mommy! Dads send invisible wavelengths around the universe to keep us all in tune to one another:)
I'd raffle off these decisions to the highest bidder if it meant we could actually get in a position to make them in the first place!
Good post, I can see it holding true. I've no idea how I've missed this blog so far, but I'll be keeping a closer eye on it now.
Cheers ;-)
Thanks Xbox4! I look forward to more comments to come - welcome!
my husband left it all up to me. he sux at stuff like that.
Sorry to hear that Jenny. You should encourage him to talk to other involved fathers, even if it's only online. Tell him to stop by here and post a comment or question any time.
Couldn't agree more. I will say that I'm probably a little more involved in the room decor than most men.
My wife is so left brained it's not even funny. She is better at picking out paint than I am.
I am learning to let my wife make more decisions with this one. Maybe if I we have a third, I'll be able to let more things go.
By the time the third one comes around, and your wife wants to swap a few rooms and completely redo them, you will be so focused on the amount of work to be done that anything else will not really matter.
Glad to hear that you're letting go!
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